My Relationship with Alcohol-And Why I Quit Drinking

My relationship with alcohol started out “normal”; I didn’t grow up partying in high school or drinking with friends; I never had an interest in alcohol. I may have had a drink while on date night or at a friend’s dinner party now and then, but it wasn’t anything special to me. So I never thought I would face the decision to “quit drinking.”

Fast forward several years past many hard times and tremendous trauma, and I found myself looking for reasons to drink. Let’s go out to eat, go to a party, event, birthday/holiday, whatever; I wanted to go because it gave me a “reason” to drink as opposed to drinking at home for “no reason.” I was trying to “justify” my drinking. 

Who am I?…

Alcohol became my best friend-it was always there for me. But, I didn’t like the person I was when I drank; careless, irresponsible, and mean. I wasn’t me. So, I tried to control it-I’ll do the “one and done,” or “I won’t drink at all tonight,” but nothing worked for me. I kept telling myself that I was okay; I could handle this. “There’s no way I have a problem.” After all, I watched a family member battle alcoholism, and I swore there was no way I would ever be like that. “How could you let something have so much control over you?” I would think to myself every time I saw him. 

No control…

But, eventually, it had control over me. It impacted every part of my life; my relationships, family, and even my health and physical appearance. For six years, I would quit and start and quit and start, over and over again, staying sober for a while, and then I would think, “I can easily have one drink and stop,” completely ignoring what I knew to be the truth which was “I AM POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL.” By this time, though, I was drinking to feel normal-unfortunately, I was physically addicted to it; this was rock bottom. 

I could not control it, I could not handle it, I could not have one drink, I CAN NOT DRINK ALCOHOL.

It’s time to do something different…

Then one day, in 2019, it clicked-“What am I doing? I have this wonderful life, and I think I sit here and waste it like this? What about the loving family I have that cares so much about me and loves me? What gives me the right to drink this life away? Who do I think I am?”

Finally, I was ready. It was time to do something different.

Everything has to change…

So, I prayed. God gave me the strength to fight. It was tough, especially the first couple of weeks, but it got easier as each day went by. And as the cravings dissipated, so did the desire. We removed all alcohol from the house, and I had a water bottle with me non-stop; I stopped going to restaurants that served alcohol until I felt strong enough, etc. Small changes like those were a tremendous help. I’m a firm believer in “Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes.” If I had quit drinking but left all of my surroundings the same, I would have had immense temptation. So, I changed my whole lifestyle, which helped remove old/bad habits. 

Thank you, but I don’t drink…

I still get the occasional “are you sure you don’t want a drink?”, “can’t you have ONE with us?” or “why aren’t you drinking?” but I’m strong now, and my support system is everything. I’m not afraid to tell people that I don’t drink, and I will carry water or any NA drink around with me so that I already have something in my hand (people don’t even notice like we think they do.) I can dance, party, celebrate, etc., and have as much fun (or more) sober! AND I remember it!

A few of MANY benefits…

I hope and pray that you aren’t dealing with this, but if you are, please know you are NOT ALONE! Let me give you a few reasons why living alcohol-free is AMAZING:

• No hangovers: I wake up feeling good, having energy, able to take on the day without that nasty BLAH feeling dragging me down. Now, no day is wasted on that dreaded hangover.
• Fewer Calories: Alcohol is full of calories and slows down your metabolism, and I did a lot of drunk eating!
• Smarter Decisions: I think more clearly and make more intelligent decisions. I lost all inhibitions when I would drink too much.
• Money: The money I’m saving is unreal!$$$ Those high-dollar drinks at the restaurants and liquor store trips cost more than I want to admit!
• Memory: So many remembrances are stolen with alcohol as it inhibits the part of the brain responsible for creating and saving memories. Even recalling what I wore the day before was a challenge, or who I spoke to, or what I said.🙈 Now I can focus; I remember the beautiful memories made every day and enjoy them!

These are just a FEW of the benefits I’ve experienced, but I can say that every single part of my life has benefited from living alcohol-free. I love being sober, and I’m so grateful that I am. I hope that sharing this will help even one person fighting this battle. I’m here if you have any questions or need a little boost of “YOU CAN DO IT!!!”

xo